Kleio Valentien was born in Austin, Texas, on January 15th, 1986. She spent her youth growing up on a farm in the suburbs. In the suburbs? I guess it wasn’t a particularly large farm.
From Vet Tech to Best Breasts
After graduating high school, Kleio went to school to become a vet tech, which she did for a time, along with bartending. However, we all know what happens to church-going Texan farm girls: They end up sucking dick on camera for the joy of folks like me and my readership. Jesus ain’t got nothin’ on dick.
It started slow and innocent enough. Kleio spent some time as a nude art model to make extra funds. If you don’t mind being naked, it’s an easy few bucks. The only tricky part is staying in the same position.
After nude art modeling, Kleio was ready to take it to the next level. Some of her pictures ended up on the Gods Girls portal. If you haven’t been, watch out for the faith-based God’s Girl clothing line. There isn’t a hint of cleavage as far as the eye can see. These bitches wear oversized hoodies like a Christian burka. Those pussies must be dusty and unused. Poor things.
If you can avoid that pitfall, you’ll be treated to one of the sexiest alt-porn portals on the internet. The bitches are tatted, pierced, on drugs, and ready to suck the closest dick in reach. If you’ve ever seen a glory hole in the bathroom of a GG Allen or Anal Cunt show, it was one of these cunts staffing it.
From God’s Girls, it was straight to the producer Burning Angel. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, and immediately place a penis in your mouth.
Right to Business
Get this. Not only did Kleio suddenly and haphazardly leap into porn, her first scene was a threesome with anal sex. This bitch does not fuck around. She skipped her rookie year and went right to being a vet. Her asshole must have already been very familiar with the peen. Apparently, her stunt cocks, Mr. Pete and Alex Knight, left a good impression because she hasn’t looked back since.
Oddly enough, despite getting such a sudden start, she actually became known for her porn parodies. For example, she played Harley Quinn in the porn version of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. I bet the script, storyline, and acting were better in the porn parody than in the real version. Not that that’s saying much at all.
In 2016 she donned her Harley Quinn costume yet again to play the titular character in “The Suicide Squad” porn parody. Harley Quinn has to be one of the hottest characters to play in porn.
With her history out of the way, let’s check out Kleio’s Twitter page. She describes herself as a Texas girl in a big world. I’d add a bit to that if I were her. “A Texas girl with big titties in a big world.” It still has a nice ring to it, and it’s far more accurate.
Lee Network
Kleio is also an exclusive dancer for the Lee Network. I won’t blame you if you’ve never heard of the Lee Network. However, it’s something you should become familiar with right away. They bring adult film stars, magazine models, showgirls, and reality TV stars to fine gentleman’s clubs and gala events across the United States.
For example, they brought Carmen Valentina to The Sapphire the day after Thanksgiving. They have also worked with Caitlin Bell, Brenna McKenna, and Scarlett Sommers. Keeping up with the Lee Network is the best way to see your favorite porn stars get naked live and in person.
No porn star’s Twitter description is complete without a link to her Only Fans page. She also includes a link to her merch if you want to bring a piece of Kleio home with you. Her haberdashery comes in two categories. The first is signed eight by tens, customs, polaroids, and signed magazines, all starting at twenty. The second is clothing from her personal collection and heels from shoots which start at one hundred dollars.
Feet Fuckers
I know precisely who is biting their bit right now, begging to learn more about what used clothing is for sale: feet guys. Don’t worry. I won’t forget about you. Worn sock prices are sixty-five dollars. However, if you’re a true fan, you’ll drop two hundred dollars on a pair of heels from a photo shoot. Regardless of which you purchase, they come with a signed polaroid of her wearing the item in question.
Believe it or not, Kleio is still living in Texas. I genuinely find that hard to believe, but in all reality, Texas isn’t that far from either Los Angeles or Las Vegas. She can fly over whenever a shoot or event demands it.
I love the tweet pinned to the top of Kleio’s wall right now. It’s a slow-motion clip of her twerking her left buttcheek, and it’s flooding my shaft with blood. I love the way the tats on her thigh dance for me. I see a couple of flowers, the Batman symbol, and a skull with a crow on it. Actually, I see a Batman symbol on both legs. I’m going to have to hit this bitch with my bat dick.
If it’s not yet December 1st of 2024, you may still have time to see Kleio make an appearance at the Las Vegas Tattoo shop. After chatting with her and getting an autograph, you can see Kleio dance and VIP at the Peppermint Hippo.
This article is coming out after this year’s Black Friday, but keep Kleio in mind next year. She always runs sales on her merch, so feet guys beware. If you want to sniff this bitches toes for cheap, black Friday is the way and the light.
Kleio added another art piece to her body recently that she’s in love with. It hasn’t made its debut yet, but you can get a sneak peek on her Only Fans. She sat for nearly seven hours, so as you can probably imagine, the thing is sizeable.
Do you want to know how I know Kleio doesn’t live in New York State? Because she shot a picture of a deer and posted it on her Twitter. The only things New Yorkers shoot deer with are Buicks and Winchesters.
Easy Access
One of my favorite things about Kleio is that she doesn’t like to wear panties. I don’t like you to wear panties either, so that makes two of us. I guess we have a lot in common. I love my dick, and I have a feeling you will, also.
Unfortunately, my readers will never get the shot to find out if Kleio likes their dick, but I think I can fill in the blanks for you. No. No, she doesn’t. Nor does any other woman on this planet, either. I’m sorry to disappoint you.
However, some of Kleio hottest content is her point-of-view Inked videos. They’ll make you feel just like she’s on top of you riding that tiny pecker like it was Johnny Sinns’.
I’ll quote this next post directly for you know who: “Boots with lingerie are a thing now if you didn’t know. Oh, simple Kleio. Every foot fucker on our blue dot knows that shit is in. It’s actually never been out. Feet guys have been on that train since boots and lingerie were first invented.
What’s a porn star without a pet to post clips of on Twitter. Kleio has a black cat named Maggie, and according to this clip, Maggie loves to eat bacon. I feel you there, Maggie. Who the fuck doesn’t love bacon. I could live on a steady diet of bacon and pussy for the rest of my life.
If Kleio’s sexy body and fun personality weren’t enough to give your penis and heart a boner, the fact she can cook should. There is nothing like a good woman who can cook and suck dick. Not necessarily at the same time, but also not not necessarily at the same time. Bonus points if she only wears an apron so that I can watch that side titty meat. I love side titty meat. It’s ticklish.
Kleio is as sexy and talented as they come. Every inch of her body is incredible, and I love her tats. She knows how to move her ass and sucks and fucks with the best of them. You’ll have trouble not cumming in thirty seconds when you beat your meat to this bitch.
My only suggestion to this bitch is not to touch her tits. She already did one enhancement, but it wasn’t too extreme. Leave those babies as they are now.
Kleio is wondering if you can locate and count all of her tattoos. I bet you fuckers could. The question is if you cum before you finish.