Why do you fuckers have me reviewing shit like this? I know I’m supposed to be ThePornDude, the one and only who covers every type of smut under the sun, but have we really sunken this low? Granny porn? Really? That’s what you’ve got me talking about? Why? What’s the fucking appeal? Is it that their skin feels exactly like the surface of a raisin? Or is it that pungent old people smell that you hear so much about? When I get old, I swear I’m just going to fuck myself to death to spare the world the grief of having to smell my body odor. That being said, you guys are fucking perverted as all hell, and for some reason, it’s become my job to enable your sick fucking fetishes. I swear, at this point, I’d rather be reviewing scat porn. That’s how fucked up I feel right now talking about this website.
Today we’re here to talk about StripChat. Specifically, we’re talking about the grannies section, which, surprise surprise, features geriatric vaginas that look like they’ve been decomposing since the Cold War. I don’t know why anyone would want to stick anything inside them, let alone lick them. Still, there are, apparently, millions of dudes who get their rocks off by jerking off to videos of old ladies who are hot and bothered and getting it on with a dildo or some such. This site specializes in live streams, though. You may have already surmised that from the name. So, the grannies section. What’s it all about? Well, it’s about old women taking their clothes off for tokens. Then, they stick toys inside their decrepit vaginas, and you lot jerk off to this shit because you have nothing better to do.
The Old Lady Fetish
I sincerely hope that this grandma fetish you’ve doesn’t mean that you’re attracted to your own grandmothers. I hope that you keep this shit outside of the family. That being said, your grandmother might actually be on this site for all I know. Anyways, let’s move on past my disgust and talk about the details of Stripchat’s grannies section. It’s about as decent as you could imagine. There are tons of old ladies stripping and masturbating on camera for the world to enjoy. They do this shit for tokens. They want to receive tokens to get to the next part of the action, which may or may not include even more depravity.
Who knows, you might catch a glimpse of an old lady bending over so she can insert a cucumber into her asshole. Except, at that point, nothing is taut, and everything is stretched out, so it’ll look like she’s just placing a vegetable inside a paper bag. That’s what I think of when I see old ladies masturbating with cucumber-sized dildos. Am I griping too much about this shit? Nah, I don’t think so. Jerking off to grannies is weird. I’m only in it for the coverage. I’m trying to cover every type of smut on the planet, and unfortunately, granny porn fits the bill. I hope I get back to reviewing scat sites soon. Those are gross too, but they don’t keep me up at night.
Tons of Grannies
Good news, bad news incoming. The good news is that there is a selection of grannies on Stripchat’s grannies section for you to choose from, and from what I can tell, they’re all very different in body shape and size. In other words, there’s variety. You get to choose your very own granny, and you have the freedom to be as picky as you want. That being said, there are only 22 grannies currently online as of the time I’m writing this review. That’s, well, pretty fucking slim. That’s the bad news. You only get about a couple of dozen grannies at a time, with peak hours having more than twice that amount, but peak hours depend on the country the grannies are from, so you can’t really guess when it’s going to happen. I think weekends are a good bet. I’m writing this review on a Friday during the daytime, so it’s no wonder there aren’t that many grannies on the site.
Then again, these women are so old that they should all be pensioners at this point. You would assume that they could stream at just about any time of the day if they wanted to. That pension will come in no matter what. I guess they have to take time off to knit sweaters or whatever the fuck it is older women do when they’re not masturbating. I’m sorry, I’m not an expert on the topic. The oldest bitch I ever fucked was in her late 40s, and even then, I felt like I was grave robbing.
Refresh the Page
Back to my spiel about the variety, there is variety, even if there’s only a couple of dozen women to choose from, simply because older women deteriorate in vastly different ways. So, you got your saggy titties, but you’ve also got your flat titties and bony chests that look diseased. Then there are the cellulite-heavy asses versus the skinny asses that, again, look diseased.
There are fat old ladies and overly skinny old ladies. There are also obese old ladies, and by God, please don’t jerk off to those. Or do, I’m not your priest. I’m just a very opinionated porn reviewer who is sickened and disgusted. I hope you appreciate the work I’m doing for you. You know, these reviews don’t just write themselves. I have to actually go out of my way to watch these old ladies masturbate on camera and then write the damn review with that image forever burned into my mind. I didn’t ask for this.
In conclusion, there are a lot of grannies on this site, and very few of them are what I would describe as sexy. Sure, there are a few here and there in their 50s who look like they could pass for women in their 40s. Those are the ones that go the extra mile with the hot lingerie and the makeup, and those I could probably wave my dick at. The rest are out-of-shape, saggy-ass droop monsters that could easily land a role as a Scooby-Doo villain. But I’m not here to judge. If you want to jerk off to saggy granny titties, you can do so under StripChat’s grannies section.
Completely Free to Watch
I haven’t mentioned the best part of this website yet. All of the streams are completely free to watch. Thank God! Can you imagine paying for this shit? Anyways, the streams are free, and you can jerk off to them for hours on end if you’d like. You can string them together, hopping from one granny to the next if that’s your style. It’s also worth noting that new grannies start their stream every few minutes or so, so you can always find fresh granny poon if you’re getting bored of the current selection. If you so much as take a shit break and come back, you’ll see an entire new list of grannies ready to be gawked at by the likes of you.
Naturally, you can also pay for the streams with tokens that you can toss at the grannies to get them to do things for you. I’d drop a token or two to get these ladies to knit me a sweater or tell me a good night story, but that’s because I had good relationships with my grandparents growing up. For all you freaks out there, you can drop these bitches a token or two to get them to shove a cucumber up their ass or something. What the fuck do I know? I don’t even understand geriatric genitals. I don’t see how the plumbing works. Do they even get wet, or do they have to spray WD-40 between their legs?
The point is, there’s an infinite amount of granny pussy on this site, and this shit is streamed live to your computer in crisp quality, depending on the camera of the granny in question. The site itself is very famous and quite successful, so you’re looking at the best levels of quality possible for the genre. Stripchat’s one of the best live streaming sites out there when it comes to pussy shows, so you’re definitely checking out the big boys here.
As for the grannies specifically, well, I’ll just say that they exist as a category, and there are more than enough to go around. If you’re into weird shit, check out the grannies section on StripChat and consider dropping these women a token or two. Lord knows they could use them.