Smooci calls itself The Future of Escort Bookings. Claiming you’re the future of something or other is always a good marketing gimmick, but in this case, we’re talking about the oldest profession in the world. How have things changed from visiting a brothel in the days of yore? For that matter, what futuristic features does Smooci have to distinguish it from the escort sites of a decade ago, a year ago, or a month ago? By definition, the future of anything should have something you can’t get today, so I’ve got some high-ass hopes.
Maybe I’m just talking some rhetorical bullshit for the sake of introducing the joint, or perhaps I’m just fucking with the stoners who are now going to be thinking about the concept of future all day. The truth is, Smooci.com has actually been around for a few years now, but there may be some truth to their “future” brag; I’ve reviewed many escort sites here at ThePornDude, and this one does not fit the usual mold. They’re an escort site with some next-gen features to help you get laid tonight. Their traffic has more than doubled over the last couple of months, which is why I was so excited to take a look for myself.
Easier Than a Back Alley Blowjob
As soon as I hit Smooci’s front page, I knew it wouldn’t be the usual escort directory. In fact, if I couldn’t read and was just looking at the pictures, I’d probably assume it was a dating site or maybe a social media network favored by sexy Asian babes. It’s a polished presentation, for one thing, looking a whole lot more professional than some of those bare-bones collections of hooker classified ads.
Scrolling through, there’s a lot out front to take in. There are some media logos to brag about being featured in outlets like Vice, Daily Mirror, and Metro. There’s a blog section with a post about escorting in China, and a selection of Live Escort Updates that looks like your standard social media feed, except it’s full of escort videos and reviews instead of your aunt’s anti-vax memes and photos of your hot cousin.
In that last paragraph, astute readers caught a major selling point, but Smooci.com mentions it again on the tour page. They’ve got over 50,000 verified reviews of escorts. PornDude fans know that escort reviews are one of my biggest make-or-break features when I check out these sites because this is 2021, and we’re on the internet. What kind of fucking moron pays for anything anymore without looking at the reviews? Well, Smooci’s got several built-in checks to verify the reviews and delete the fake ones, meaning they’re more reliable than Amazon.
Numbers can tell you a lot about any kind of website, so let’s dip into these a little bit more. Those 50,000 trusted reviews come from over 125,000 bookings, which means a lot of people are finding some action around here. But where’s that action coming from? Well, Smooci’s got 3,057 registered escorts as of this writing. Given the upward trajectory of their traffic over the last couple of months, I bet that number is a lot higher by the time you see this review. If you’re curious, Smooci puts a live count right out front.
Gotta Fuck ‘Em All!
The layout is unusual and highly polished for an escort site, which is great. In addition, they’ve got user reviews, which is also great. Neither one of these facts really makes Smooci the future of escort booking, though, as I’ve reviewed a fair number of escort directories that share one or both of these features. Smooci’s real claim to fame, in my opinion, is their unique, streamlined system for finding and booking an escort. If you know how to click your mouse or tap your finger, you can totally do this, grandpa.
It all starts with a click on the big pink button that reads “Find an escort.” The first step, as elsewhere, is dialing in your location to find the local whores. Smooci.com has escorts all around the world, from Poland to Portugal, Austria to Asia. There are some notable exceptions, though. Unfortunately, Americans are out of luck, at least for now, since Smooci currently doesn’t have listings in the states.
Your old pal, The Porn Dude, is a globetrotting slut-banger, though, so I figured I’d start my search in London. After choosing your location, you choose the gender. Apparently, they don’t serve gaylords here, but you can choose between Female and Transsexual and then between Outcall and Incall.
None of that is too unusual because you typically use the filters on any escort site to set those exact same preferences. The next steps are where Smooci’s futuristic magic comes into play. You select the time you want your hookup to begin and the duration you’d like to pay for. Then, Smooci will find available babes in your area who are DTF on your schedule.
I told their system I wanted to bang a London slut in my hotel room at 10:30 tonight, and I wanted to shag for just an hour. Well, Smooci.com turned up no fewer than 127 escorts who fit my criteria, so it looks like I’ve got some choices to make. Fortunately,  there’s a nice set of filters for finding your perfect escort, the pay-for-play babe straight out of your wet dreams.
Interestingly, once I went to the filter page, my selection of available escorts dropped from 127 to 59. That’s still a decent selection but isn’t quite as impressive as the digits they listed a few seconds ago. I think the discrepancy results from their advertising system; they’re probably bumping particular chicks to the top, possibly in duplicates, which fucks with the tally.
Some Good with the Bad and Bad with the Good
I was in the mood to bang a thick mama, so I checked off the Curvy box and did my search again. Smooci gave me a smaller handful of escorts this time, including agency girls and independent chicks. A 26-year-old named Natalie caught my eye with her high-quality shots. She’s pricey as fuck at £700 for an hour but works for one of the most well-known agencies, so it’s kind of expected.
I was hoping to see Natalie’s reviews, but it turns out those are reserved for Premium members. Most escort sites don’t make you sign up for a goddamn thing, let alone pay for anything. That’s always preferable in this industry because you don’t want to leave a paper trail for your wife or anybody else to find. However, premium Smooci members can read the reviews, see photos and age verification, and save a little bit on their actual escort visits for a few bones a month.
Even if you don’t pay for a premium account, though, you’re going to have to enter some contact info. Instead of listing the necessary contact info like other sites, Smooci lets you book directly from the site. I clicked the BOOK NATALIE NOW button, and they wanted my name, email, hotel, or condo room number, and any special requests. I like that they list the prices in precise numbers, so you don’t have to worry about negotiating, but I wish the listings were a bit more explicit about the offered services. Also, there are a lot of hooker acronyms on this one, so you might want to pull up a dictionary in another tab if you aren’t familiar with the jargon.
So, did I end up having a date with Natalie? Well, a gentleman never tells. Sometimes, even a depraved degenerate like myself keeps it to himself, too. My advice is just to do the basic, usual thing and use a pseudonym if you’re going to post a review for your fellow perverts to read. It’s just common sense, dude.
My general advice about escort sites is to check them out if they’ve got listings in your area. Smooci.com is actually a bit easier to recommend than other sites. You’ve got the usual incentive to see if there are any hotties selling their services in your neighborhood, plus the appeal of their streamlined hooker-booking system that I haven’t seen anywhere else. I was ready to call bullshit on the whole “Future of Escort Booking” thing, but you know what? The entire thing is pretty fucking convenient. Finding an escort should be just as easy in a world where I can order food with a few taps of my finger.