If you guys are anything like me, every time you see a traditional civilian movie, you find yourself pondering how much better it would have been if everyone was boning the whole time. I can’t think of a single film since the advent of moving pictures that wouldn’t have been significantly improved if everyone was nude and fucking each other from the opening scene to the ending credits.
Pushing it to the Limit
I know what’s running through your head right now. It’s a question everyone asks when I make such a bold claim: What about “Schindlers List”? My response is always, “What about Schindlers List? You don’t think it would be better with some tits and ass?”
Of course, it would. Boobs are the only thing that could make a movie about the holocaust a little brighter. I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy. When life hands me lemons, I create lemonade via a strict schedule of fapping and sex with sluts. The strategy hasn’t failed me yet. My answer to every problem in life is more orgasms.
If you think Schindler wasn’t body-bagging gash while writing out his list? You must be a fucking idiot and a half. Schindler has access to more pussy than one man can handle. He is a hero. Bitches love fucking heroes. I’m surprised the constant flow didn’t completely derail his plans. I would have totally forgotten World War Two was happening.
No need to say it. I already know what your next question is, and correct, “Roots” would have been much better with some extra fucking. Everybody knows how hot master and slave relationships are. I’ve fucked many slave sluts in my day. I have a couple of them locked in the basement as we speak.
Haven’t you dip shits heard of BDSM before? “Roots” is already three-quarters porn. The only thing that fucks up the vibe is the clothing and historical context.
“Roots” has all the trademarks of BDSM porn: whips, chains, captivity, and forced labor. I’m getting a throbbing hard-on just thinking about it. Holy shit. It just hit me why I get an erection every time I watch “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”
Blackfish is Just as Good as Black Cock
You guys probably have a funny feeling in your stomach now because you don’t want to agree with me, but I’m making fantastic points. You’re searching your tiny little monkey brain for an example. I can’t make it better with pussy. The smartest among you might be thinking about documentaries. You guys don’t know me if you assumed I don’t jerk off while watching 2013’s mind-bending expose “Blackfish.” Of fucking course I did. I came twice during the movie and once during the ending credits.
Have you ever seen an orca cock in person? Those motherfuckers are blessed. I’ve got the phone numbers of some whores on my phone that would love to climb into an orca enclosure in Seaworld and give those fucks a night to remember. Captive orcas live a sad and lonely existence. Human pussy would be a rare and invited treat. If I were trapped in a minuscule cage my whole life, I’d spend all my time choking the chicken, waiting for a human trainer to fall in so I could skull fuck them to death.
I’m sorry? What the fuck did you just say to me? Did you just dare to suggest that I couldn’t spit jizz to Vietnam war news coverage?! How fucking dare you. I’m a man of principle. If I couldn’t jerk off to war coverage, I wouldn’t waste my time making you read these articles.
To be honest, the only reason I’m caught up on current events is because porno news is a thing. I can deal with watching the news as long as the newscaster is a hot naked bitch. I still wouldn’t know what 9/11 is if it wasn’t for a slut who does the news while riding giant stunt cocks.
At this point, your mind is grasping for straws as it desperately attempts to come up with some shit I won’t beat my meat to. It’s impossible. I’ll end this rant by stating this: You don’t have to turn snuff films into porn because they already are porn.
I think I have made my point loud and clear at this juncture. I can stroke my penis to anything. That’s why I love horror content so much. Sometimes I need the added stimulation of blood and guts to maximize my joy during a beat session.
So Much Porn, So Little Time
That takes me to Scrolller. Scrolller doesn’t only do porn, but it’s well set up for it. True to the name, Scrolller makes scrolling through porn fun, easy, and efficient.
The website looks and functions velvety smooth. It takes layout and format principles from apps like Instagram and Twitter. That makes sense considering all the content is either pics or gifs. There is a drop-down navigation menu along the top of Scrolller with the options Home, Favorites, Following, Leaderboard, Search, Install app, Categories, Community, Get Premium, and About.
Those simple tools are enough to get you around the whole site. Below the header is a menu for horror content with the options Follow, Sort, Filter, Source, and Share. You can sort content by Random, Top, Hot, New, and rising. You can filter by None, Pictures, Videos, and Albums.
Don’t overlook that share button. My family loves to stay up to date with all the fun shit I beat my meat to. I’ve got a FaceBook full of old friends, classmates, and coworkers that rely on me to provide the best in social media porn recommendations.
The “source” button takes you to the sub-Reddit page this content is derived from. You can view the shit right on Reddit, but Scrolller makes seeing as much horror porn as possible in the shortest amount of time. Not even Reddit can compete.
The only thing left to discuss is the infinite amount of content you can scroll through. You can wander around this place until your fucking hand decides to kill itself due to extreme exhaustion. Both of your hands, actually, because one will be working the keyboard while the other fiendishly jacks your cock.
For your meat-beating convenience, any gifs on the screen start to play automatically without you needing to click the play button. The thumbnails are large enough to watch directly, but you can full-screen them for the ultimate experience.
When you open up a gif, you have the option to turn the volume on. There is also a small menu where you can Download, Share, Favorite, and visit the source. The content will repeatedly play until you have had all your depraved little heart can take.
What You’ll Find
Let’s talk about some of the shit you’ll see amongst the horror content on Scrolller. First off, you’ll see plenty of screenshots and clips of horror movies with nude scenes. All your favorites are here, and they all have grade-A tits. There’s a reason they were hired for the role, and it’s not their acting chops.
There are also tons of horny big titty goth girlfriends out there. It doesn’t matter how prepper or jock you are. Everyone wants a big titty goth girlfriend. They’re the fucking best, and they never say no. These bitches will do anything as long as it makes you cum hard.
Some of these goth cunts do more than just wear black and show off their incredible bodies. Some take it to the next level by covering themselves in blood and guts like they’ve just been murdered. Anyone with a blood fetish will find a home on Scrolller.
I can’t forget all the sexy Halloween costumes that abound on Scrolller. Once October hits, you’ll be spending all day every day fucking around in the horror section of Scrolller. You’ll beat off so often, and with so much vigor only blood will come out.
I feel compelled to tell you that there is at least one picture of a chick getting her asshole tatted. That bitch must be one hundred percent certifiably fucking nuts. How do you keep that shit from getting horrifically infected? It’s an open wound where your poop comes out. That sounds like a recipe for staff, gangrene, and flesh-eating disease. However, I would absolutely fuck a bitch with her asshole tatted. She’d go to the end of the Earth and back to make you jizz. That’s love right there.
Scrolller is one of the most efficient ways to get your fill of horror porn. Don’t waste time on another site when you could be blasting through content on Scrolller.
What’s there to complain about on Scrolller? Not much. I suppose the occasional bit of vanilla content sneaks in every now and again, but that’s to be expected.
I hope you motherfuckers aren’t prone to carpel tunnel because you have a lot of work to put in on Scrolller.