If you haven’t noticed by now, I drill a lot of chicks. I dip my stick in a cunt several times a day, every day. I don’t do days off. My cock lays pipe like an oil drill worker. It punches into the job every morning, excited for another double shift. You never know who I might be dicking down. It could be a celebrity, a porn star, or just the girl next door.
Will I be boning an ebony BBW with size B tits? Or maybe I’ll go with a tiny teen with little perky breasts. Either way, I won’t stop there. Asian cunts, midgets, albinos, and amputees can all get some Porn Dude dick. I’m not prejudiced.
My Fuck Calander
It can be tough to find time to write for you guys considering how packed my sex calendar is. Fortunately, I own my own business. There are no bosses to control what I do. However, that doesn’t mean I have a free ticket to slack, jack, and mack all day. Regardless, I consider remaining sexually active an essential element of the gig. I must maintain my alpha male status for you guys to trust my word, and the best way to do that is to cum in bitches as often as I can.
The only thing about tearing sluts up as often as I do is that I need to mix things up. You have to stir the pot sometimes. Vaginal missionary sex isn’t enough to keep my boat afloat. My average stimulation levels are unmatched, so if a bitch wants to make me cum buckets, she better be a master of her domain.
So what happens when the pussy loses its spark? What’s my next move? The puckered starfish. The fart box. The chocolate pocket. The chocolate faucet. The rusty starfish. The balloon knot. The stink wrinkle. We all know what I’m talking about anal sex.
Let Me Be Your Ass Guide
Some consider me an ambassador for anal sex. I’m aware that not every gent likes to cram their wang up the peach ring, but I’m here to preach the good word of the anus. Anal sex should be enjoyed by men and women of every race and creed.
Why? Well, I can think of infinite reasons, but I don’t have time to cover them all. First and foremost is the anal orgasm. Not all folks can cream via anal stimulation, but both men and women can do it. Your bitches firehole might be the secret to providing her with orgasms like she never thought imaginable.
The same could be said for you bastards. Have you ever slipped a finger or two up there? If you have a slut willing to experiment, you two might discover a cum button hidden up there.
According to some recent research done by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, of the thirty-one percent of women who had engaged in anal during their most recent sexual encounter, ninety-four percent had orgasms. Holy fucking shit, Batman.
Perhaps the best thing about anal sex is that a bitch can’t get pregnant. Condoms are important, but if I trust a bitch and can get away without wearing one, I’m all about it. You can pump a cunt’s rusty chimney with as much baby batter as you want. There is no such thing as a poop child.
However, I would be remiss to not mention that you do have to be careful about jizz dribbling out of the o-ring and into the vaginal canal. To avoid this all-too-common mistake, I like to turn a bitch on her back after cumming, so it leaks away from her pink gash. The last thing I need in my life is spawn. It would be a real cock block.
Alternatively, you can be aggressive, attach your lips to that crap snatch, and suction the felch right out the bitch before it can cause any pregnancy issues. For the uninitiated, felching is the act of sucking the cum out of someone’s asshole, and felch is the mixture of shit and jizz that comes out. It’s not my thing, but a lot of gay dudes like it.
Don’t be a Bitch
People often say anal is a recourse to vaginal sex when your girl is pouring blood out her vagine. What a bunch of pussies. Are you betas going to let a little blood scare you out of getting your dick wet? So let me get this straight. You refuse to taint your manhood with some red blood cells, but you’re all good with smearing the tacos she ate yesterday all over your cum musket? I don’t see the logic in that.
It’s the taboo factor that often drives people to try jamming it in the poop chute for the first time. Something about breaking norms makes both men and women super horny. Anal is an easy way to accomplish that from the comfort of your own home.
Get Your Hotdogs, Here
Being comfortable with anal sex opens up a whole new universe of sexual possibilities. Believe it or not, you don’t even have to insert your penis into a chick’s asshole to enjoy anal sex. There is another way, and it’s a fucking blast.
It’s called hotdogging. Those who passed your SATs can probably guess what hotdogging is based on context clues. It’s when you slide your cock between a sluts buttcheeks and receive what amounts to a butt job.
Butt jobs aren’t as well known as their cousin’s hand jobs, tit jobs, and blow jobs, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t awesome. That is pending a bitch has enough ass cheek to cover your man’s meat.
I’m not sure of the exact origin of the butt job, but if I had to guess, it’s twerking. Unfortunately, my readers have never experienced twerking, and that’s a damn shame. It’s the best form of dancing ever invented. Its only competition is Jamacan daggering.
A truly talented twerker can feel your cock get hard. If she likes you, she’ll line your cock up with her ass crack and go to town. I’ve even had ladies make me cream my pants. It’s super fun, but it makes the rest of the night uncomfortable. Talking to my male friends with boxers full of jizz is a bit awkward.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the bitch that made me jizz my slacks at the club is on r/Hotdogging. She would fit right in because I bet all these cunts are talented twerkers.
Slippery Slopes
As you’ll see on r/Hotdogging, there is an essential tool you guys will need to get a butt job: lube. Ass cheeks don’t get wet like pussy, and if they do, it’s with poo. However, while you guys will need buckets of lube, I don’t need any.
That’s because I make bitches so wet the pussy juice spills down their ass crack. No lube is needed. You’ll see plenty of that on r/Hotdogging. These are some skilled stunt cocks.
While you’ll get the occasional porn star on r/Hotdogging, much of the content is amateur. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Butt jobs are the kind of thing a woman willing to please does. Amateur cunts go the extra mile to create great content.
While I always enjoy a proper tramp stamp, they come into their own during a butt job. It is an art piece to enjoy while pumping iron, and it’s also perfectly lined up to catch your ropes once you bust. I like to think I’m helping to complete the tattoo with a splash of white.
Tramp stamps are the standard currency on r/Hotdogging. I bet tattoo artists love this page. They can jerk off and get tat ideas at the same time. Now that’s what I call multitasking.
Not every clip on r/Hotdogging ends in a cum shot, but many do. It’s like this subreddit multitasks as a cumshot and butt job page.
Much of the content on r/Hotdogging are close-up shots of just the ass and dick. You’ll have to use some imagination to fill the rest of those bitches out. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a wealth of wider camera angles, though. Many cunts let their whole body be enjoyed. That’s the way I like it.
My readers are always on the hunt for new and exciting types of porn, and r/Hotdogging fits the bill. Surprise yourself tonight with a little something new. Trust me. Your penis will thank you by firing off a massive load.
My only complaint about r/Hotdogging regards all the bullshit happening with Reddit right now. Hopefully, by the time you’re reading this, the drama has come to an end.
Sometimes you gotta put down the burger meat and grab a hotdog. Let r/Hotdogging be your hotdog of choice.