Everybody loves fucking pussy. It was purpose-built for cock, crafted by millions of years of evolution. It is a master of stroking every drop of cum out of a cock for reproduction. Men have been trying to replicate its glory since the penis came into existence. First, we tried a pile of wet leaves, and slowly we worked our way up to polymer plastics and rubbers installed inside a flashlight-like plastic outer coating. We have even installed them in things like my TSRPV2 (Tesla Sex Robot Prototype Version 2)
But you know what else my TSRPV2 has in its arsenal of pleasure? An asshole. The asshole has always been considered the forbidden fruit. Although not purpose-built for the cock, whenever you install a warm moist hole on a bitch, men are going to plug it up with their cocks. It doesn’t matter that poop comes flying out of it periodically.
The Two Door Theory
Well, as a young man, I was firmly against putting my cock in a bitch’s asshole. I would use a metaphor I created to explain why I was against it called the two-door theory. Imagine a room with two doors. Behind one door is a soft pink room with warm violin music playing and pillows for your penis strewn about, while the other door is forced open periodically by a log of shit coming out. Which room would you rather enter? Well, I didn’t want to subject my most crucial resource, my penis, to anything I was not willing to subject my whole body to.
I still enjoy the logic behind this metaphor, but I no longer agree with its conclusion. I do many things to my penis I don’t do to my whole body. I don’t lube up and give myself a daily rub down, after which cerebral fluid leaks out of my ears. The penis and body can never be compared. It’s apples and oranges.
That’s why these days, I get all up in the asshole. The key is that your penis pushes the poop out of the way, giving you direct contact with the colon wall. I’m just fucking with you. The key is that a bitch has a clean and empty asshole. You don’t want to dick a bitch down in her brown eye if she had Mexican food the day before. You want that bitch on an all-liquid diet for at least twelve hours before you dive in.
Of course, some men are less concerned about cleanliness than I am. And while no one likes poop (wait, I will rephrase that, I don’t want any grudges with scat enthusiasts. Well, while not many people like poop), I have a particular disdain for it. I’ll be entirely taken out of the moment if I pull my dick out and discover it has been lacquered with dung.
I know you fucks are nothing like me, though. You would stick your cock in a pile of shit if it meant you got laid afterward. You would jab your cock in a bitch’s ass while she was taking a shit. You would cover yourself in excrement like a poopy gimp suit if it meant you could just touch an asshole with your pinky toe. It’s a sad state of affairs for you motherfuckers. I wish there were something I could do for you, but you’re not getting anywhere near my asshole champ.
The fact is men long variety, and that’s what the asshole offers, and best of all, it’s right around the corner, unlike the mouth you got to drive to. You can plug a bitch back and forth between her ass and pussy without changing positions. The chances of her going into septic shock increase dramatically, but who gives a shit about that?
Absolutely no one. When plugging up a tight bunghole is all the line, sacrifices must be made, even at the risk of life and limb. Well, her life and limb, not yours.
I have one final note on the attraction of the butthole. Perhaps its most significant appeal is that ladies don’t generally like it. A man loves when a woman sacrifices herself on the altar of your pleasure. When a bitch is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy – even if it hurts – it makes my cock swell to epic proportions. If you find yourself a bitch like that, you have to dick her down as much as you can. This is theoretical, of course. You guys can find a woman, let alone one willing to wade through discomfort so you can cum harder.
Anal porn gets made a lot more than people have anal, so there is a never-ending content supply. One of the best places to dig that shit up (pun intended) is Iwank. Iwank is all around a fantastic website to get your daily allotment of porn, but their anal content stands out amongst the rest. Buttholes are getting wrecked left and right, all over this bitch. The combined inches of gapped assholes on this site add up to miles. You could get to the moon and back.
Iwanks web design doesn’t do anything special, but it efficiently inserts anal porn into your retinas. The main menu is spread across the top and includes the options Home, All new, All popular, Languages, Search bar, Popular, Latest, All, Long, and a page counter.
Iwank is a massive site with draw all around the world, so they translate their website into a ton of languages. They include Spanish, Polish, Danish, French, Portuguese, Dutch, Italian, and Swedish. Men on this fine planet love to see a lady’s asshole get pierced by a hog of a cock.
I love when sites offer to organize their content by longest. Sometimes I know I’m in for an extra-long ultra-marathon jerk-off session for the ages. In comparison to you guys, all my masturbation sessions are like that, but for what I consider an actual marathon, it happens six or seven times a week.
There’s a shit ton of anal content on Iwank. There are around fifteen hundred videos to choose from at ten pages, with more being added every week. It will take a long time for your penis to exhaust all those resources. That’s enough anal sex to twist any ordinary man’s mind. If fifteen hundred people were in the same room having anal sex, that room would smell like a zoo inside a bag of shit. That’s why you want to save that kind of thing for the internet, at least until they invent smell-o-vision.
There are no video player screens on Iwank. Iwank is a compendium of links to the original owner of the content. Whenever you click on a video, you will be sent to watch the content on that website. This makes Iwanks job a ton easier, meaning they can spend all their time finding this shit. That’s how their collection got so large.
Iwank gets its content from a vast array of sites. They include Sunporno, AMateur 8, Pornhat, Xhampster, OKxxx, Freeporn8, Alotporn, Analdin, XXXDan, Hclips, and Xbabe. Mind you, that was all pulled from only a couple of rows of content.
The Branch Manager’s (in) an Asshole
Said content ranges from sensual to extreme. There’s a bitch getting a branch stuck down her ass. There are thunderous black cocks being forced inside tiny white teenage rectums. There are Asian bitches who can barely fit a cock in their pussies, trying in vain to make room for members half the size they are. I’m pretty sure I saw a bitch get torn from ass to pussy, creating a new orifice similar to a bird’s cloaca.
The one thing you will not find is chicks fucking dudes in the ass with strap ons. You might find a finger in the ass every now and again, but man, never being impaled. If you are looking for that shit, you’ll have to go elsewhere. Don’t worry; Iwank has that for you in another category.
When it comes to putting the pee-pee where the poo-poo comes out, Iwank is a master of its craft. They have so much penis in anus action going on you will start to get dizzy. They find their content from all corners of the internet, so you never know what you might see next. One thing is for sure, though: whatever you find will make your cock rock hard.
If I were to add anything to Iwank, it would be a category list. There are tags, and they do a good job, but a category list would make navigation even more straightforward. Besides, they don’t have a tag list to bring up even with their tags. Instead, they are displayed below thumbnails.
I bet you can smell the poo in the air right now. You better rush over to Iwank before you try to stick your cock in your own ass.