FreeSafePorn! I assume that if you read my articles regularly, you are a porn veteran. Over the years, you have spent hour after hour with a hand on your cock and an eye on porn. Well, let’s be honest. Both eyes. Over this period, you have become all but a master of the porn realm. I am the master, but you are all my most talented students. Therefore, I would trust any of you to select my porn for an evening at home.
When one has been watching porn for so long, there are a few things you are guaranteed to have experienced. Well, stuff like websites with ads that make it impossible to navigate. Every time you move the mouse, three new popups materialize between you and the object of your desire. There are also websites with misleading content. You know those kinds of sites well. When you see ads for it, it looks like they have 9K images of the inside of Kate Uptons pussy, but when you get there, it’s a bunch of Rosie Odonnell’s. Web admins of those sites should be forced to masturbate to Thicc Venom from now on exclusively.
That’s not the only type of misleading content one can experience while on the hunt for proper pocket pool inspiration, though. There’s also the genre switch. You thought you were about to watch Girls Gone Wild Teen edition, but when you arrive on location, it’s a bunch of old bitches shitting in each other’s mouths. I can guarantee the feeling of disappointment a scat fetishist has when he expects old bitches shitting and gets sexy teens is magnitudes lower than when the opposite happens. No one wants to see sudden diarrhea, but everyone wants to see sudden teen pussy.
There is a variant of misleading websites that is far more fun than the last two. If you’re old enough, you may remember Whitehouse.com. Whitehouse.com was legendary amongst grade school students. If you haven’t already picked up what I’m laying down, this website was porn. It was the perfect way to watch porn during computer design class. And if you had a computer at home, your Mom probably thought you were interested in becoming the president.
Jerk into the Abyss and the Abyss Jerks Back
One of the worst offenders of shitty porn sites is the virus site. Why humans would be so callous and evil to one another, I do not know. Robbery? Sometimes you have to have some shit. Murder? Sometimes you got to hate a bitch. Genocide? Sometimes you got to hate every bitch. But ruining a man’s day just as he is wrapping his hand around his cock?! That’s just fucked up to the core. It’s those kinds of people that deserve a hanging via military tribunal.
The older you are, the more vicious the viruses you remember, and a classic example is the pornado. Of course, you didn’t have to be on a porn site at that time to receive a pornado, but it sure did help. A Pornado is a virus that causes porn popups to appear on your browser continually. Before you know it, there are one hundred pages of glorious filth on your screen, and your whole computer is locked up.
The only positive of pornados was they were a great excuse if you got busted. “No Mom/girlfriend/wife/grandma. I wasn’t watching porn; I was trying to buy you flowers, and I got hit with a pornado.”
Another typical example was key logs. These were the worst because they felt so creepy. Fortunately, back in the day, they were pretty easy to spot. Keyloggers would keep track of every little thing you type into the computer. People could use this to get passwords, credit card numbers, and general personal information. Fake blackmail anyone? What made them easy to spot is that they would usually use a word processor already on your computer to keep track, so you could search the keyword “keylogger” and find that shit.
Viruses are still a concern today, but people are a lot savvier. Plus, there are so many porn sites that alternatives abound. It used to be if you knew a place was crappy, you’d still use it because it was your only answer. What were you supposed to do? Not jerk off? Ha! Fuck that.
There are also more resources to help you find safe websites to use—sites like mine and Freesafeporn. Freesafeporn catalogs the best of safe porn sites and provides them to you on an easy-to-navigate website. They have more options than you can shake a stick at, so no matter what kind of porn tickles your fancy, you can find it here.
If you have ever been to my website – you clearly have – the web design on Freesafeporn will be very familiar as they use a similar column-based method to display their picks. What can we say? We design the shit out of a website, and people want to use our ideas. We consider it a compliment. And much like ThePornDude, there is no main menu per se because everything you need to navigate is built into the front page.
There are twenty-four different categories of websites on Freesafeporn. Some examples are Best tube sites, Best Asian porn sites, Best dating sites, Top gay porn sites, Best porn review sites, Best porn forums, Best fetish porn sites, Popular erotic stories, Best sex sites, best porn comics, Best porn games, and many more. As you can see, every aspect of porn is covered in the place. They didn’t want to leave anyone out. Porn is about inclusivity.
However, the number of websites listed varies wildly. It can be as low as a single site like in “Best amateur premium sites” and as high as approaching one hundred for “Best porn tube sites.” Some of the other most popular genres are Top pay porn sites, Best live sex cam sites, and top lesbian porn sites. The least popular are Top Pinoy porn sites, Safe porn sites with cuties, Top virtual porn sites, and best porn review sites. But, of course, you already know what the best porn review site is. You are on it right now.
Grandpa Needs to Step his Level of Play Up
Some of the sites on Freesafeporn will be familiar to you. Websites like Pornhub, Castingcouch, Redtube, and Youporn are household names. Even my great-grandma knows about that shit. She loves flicking the bean to Mandingos enormous hog. Every holiday dinner, she laments, “Grandpa’s dick game has always been hella whack. His stroke had no beat to it; he lacks both length and girth, He eats pussy like there might be bees in it, and he is a two-pump chump.” Poor grandpa had to just sit there and take it. The grandchildren were, of course, horrified. Suffice to say that a PornDude family Christmas is a sight to behold.
Of course, they also have tons of sites that are household names only to masturbators. Websites like Brazzers, Bongacams, Bangbros, Teamskeet, FILF, Twistysnetwork, and DrTuber. The list goes on and on. It would take you years to explore every website on Freesafeporn, and by the time you finish, they will have added hundreds more. The only site doing more work to provide men with great porn is yours truly.
Browsing Freesafeporn for new websites isn’t the only way to use the place. For example, when your travels bring you to a new spot, check the site out on Freesafeporn to ensure it isn’t poison. And while they don’t yet have a search bar, you can just find the genre that fits your find and see if it’s there. If it’s not, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s infected, just that you are running the risk. When you do see the name, though, you can rest assured that it is one hundred percent a reputable website.
Freesafeporn is one of the best porn collection sites on the net. They put in tons of work finding the best of safe-to-use porn. You don’t have to worry about key loggers and pornados in any of the places Freesafeporn recommends. Rest assured that when your kid goes to do his homework after you just got done taming the beast, he won’t find the computer frozen on a picture of an Albanian grandmother with a tube sock full of tootsie pops in her asshole. You will never have to worry about him seeing a key logger with words like “how to purchase a homeless woman’s poop,” “how to divorce my shitty wife,” “How to build a time machine to go back and turn your child into a blow job.”
Freesafeporn does a great job, but it is not yet perfect. First off, they ripped their design principle straight from PornDude. I get it. We are fantastic and designed the ideal porn review site, but you have to do your own thing over there, Freesafeporn. Second, there is no search bar. How do you fuck that shit up?
If you are looking to find a safe website to beat off on and just suffered a stroke forcing you to forget about PornDude, Freesafeporn is your second best bet.