Fap Jerks! Humans may all be created equal as babies, but folks are not equal once we become adults. No matter what people get up to, there is an order to this shit. Some people are more fuckable than others. That’s just a fact of life.
Fap Jerks only accepts the most fuckable of fuckable bitches. Not just anyone can be featured on the site. You have to be at the top of your class. Only straight-A students show off their D skills on Fap Jerks.
You’ll Never Be Me
What separates the bitches allowed on Fap Jerks from the bitches not allowed? Let’s take you and me, for example. You are a little beta puppy with a miserable miniature cock and no sex skills whatsoever. You live in your parent’s basement, play video games twenty-four hours a day, and subsist on a diet of frozen TV dinners and cheap fast food.
The only women you’ve touched lips with share your last name. That’s nothing special. My lips have touched your sister and mom, also. In fact, more than my lips have touched those bitches. You’re such a punk, I could ram my cock down your mom’s throat right in front of you, and you wouldn’t do a thing.
You’re the type of beta cuck to think bitches won’t fuck you because you’re “a nice guy.” Nothing dries up pussy faster than the “nice guy” argument. It’s pathetic.
Unfortunately for you bastards, you’re about as fuckable as a bag full of nails. When bitches see you, their vagina dries out like pouring salt on a snail. Women flee your presence. When you pull your cock out in a bathroom stall, women sense a disturbance in the force and run away as fast as they can.
Your lives are tough, especially considering you must look at your polar opposite in an alpha male like me. I spend all day every day boning bitches and having a dick like an anaconda has a neck. I subsist on a diet of Rare ribeye steaks and strawberry pussy juice.
I haven’t known the last name of a lass I’ve kissed since high school. I have trouble making my way down the street without bitches crawling up my leg and putting their pussy in my face. I’m fully aware whores bang me because I’m a complete dick. The only things I collect are phone numbers and bedpost notches.
There is Only One Porn Dude
I’m as fuckable as a… as a… as me. No one compares to how fuckable I am. When I catch a cunt’s eye, their pussy moistens like a water balloon in a bathtub. God called. He said I’m the best thing he’s ever created.
The level of derivation between you and me is the same level between bitches on Fap Jerks and bitches on sites that don’t curate their models. That’s a huge fucking difference.
It’s awesome being The Porn Dude. Libtards can argue that every person is equal, but I think I’ve just proved that is bullshit. Who would you rather be, you or me? It’s not even a debate. I’d rather be dead than be anything but me.
The Best of the Best
Discovering that hierarchy lives in the industry doesn’t take much porn watching. I’ve seen some ugly ass cunts get naked and fuck in front of a camera. I can’t imagine what made them think it was a good idea. Nor can I imagine who is sitting down to watch that shit.
One visit to Fap Jerks, and you’ll let go of the idea of equality for the rest of your life. Fap Jerks only fucks with the hottest cunts in the industry. All these bitches are porn stars or porn stars in the making.
I’m desperately searching for at least one cunt I consider unfuckable, but I don’t think she exists. Every bitch is hotter than the last. From the top of the list to the bottom.
I would say this shit is the exact opposite of the Down syndrome porn I wrote an article about a few months ago. Say what you will about their cognitive abilities. I’d rather watch those motherfuckers take a history test than see them attempt intercourse again. The video began with twenty minutes of the stunt cock cleaning a mess behind his trailer. That’s the worst foreplay I’ve ever seen.
In a similar vein, I reviewed some nugget porn the other day. For the uninformed, nuggets are bitches without any arms or legs. Now, I won’t lie to you. I’ve seen some nuggy girls who would have been runway models if they had limbs. Nonetheless, when given the option, I watch porn where ladies have all their body parts. You can call me racist if you like.
On a quick side note, I’ve been trying to get the phrase “airtight nuggets” into the global lexicon. Airtight is when a bitch has a cock in her mouth, pussy, and asshole. People won’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, and it’s fun to say.
The Stars are Falling
Clearly, more folks are hunting for Kimmy Granger than airtight nuggets with Down syndrome. I don’t think I have to explain why. Men like what they like, and they like limbs and functioning frontal lobes.
Fap Jerks is spilling over with ladies as hot and fuckable as Kimmy Granger. They’re falling from the fucking clouds. It’s raining porn stars.
The world used to only have room for a couple of porn stars at a time. Those days are long behind us. Sites like Only Fans and Fan Centro are creating more porn stars each day than there were for all of the 70s and 80s.
No matter your fetish, there is a slut on Fap Jerks who does it. The variety of ladies here is more than enough to keep you busy for the foreseeable future. The only factor they all share is extreme fuckability.
The design of Fap Jerks is simple and sweet. The main menu runs along the top and includes the options Home, Search bar, Log in and Sign up.
Down the left side is a navigational menu with the options Home, Profiles, Trending, Popular, Favorites, Random, Contact, DCMA, Terms, Privacy, 2257.
The center of the site is taken up by model profiles. Each profile thumbnail contains six pictures, the number of folks who have favorited it, the number of comments, and the number of shares.
When you find a lady that piques your interest, give her a click to open up the complete profile. The profiles on Fap Jerks are like baseball cards for whores. The first tidbits you’ll read are a bitches body type, country of origin, Social media accounts, and related tags.
Chloe Black
Profiles also include a short bio so you can get to know a cunt. For example, Chloe Black. If you’re not already aware of Chloe Black’s existence, I feel sorry for you. I must have failed you somehow for one of my readers to not know about this slut.
Chloe is a skinny and petite fuck machine with small tits and a tight body. She has a Coke bottle body that will inspire your penis to reach great heights before slinging ropes.
Chloe radiates slutty energy. I could sense her dick-sucking presence from one hundred miles away. I’d never remove my penis from her mouth again if it weren’t for the fact her pussy is so tight.
Despite having spent a decent amount of time in the industry, Chloe doesn’t look a day over nineteen. This bitch will look like a schoolgirl until she’s eighty.
Whoreville
Bethany Lou Whoo is another one of my favorite sluts on Fap Jerks. She got the name Lou Whoo from her fairy Whoville aesthetic. It’s cute, innocent, and endearing. However, when you get a look at this cunt’s massive jugs, all assumptions of her innocence go out the window.
This bitch has a pair of the best tits in the industry. They’re fucking incredible. I wouldn’t change a thing about them. I wish every cunt on Earth had tits this great.
I estimate their size to be a big double D to a smaller E. The nipples are perfectly proportioned and colored. The rest of her body is slender and curvaceous.
I bet You’re already on your way to Fap Jerks right now. You better clear your calendar because you won’t be leaving the house anytime soon.
My only complaint is that not all ladies include videos on their profiles. Some stick to pictures only. Pics are nice, but moving pictures are far better. I’m trying to cum over here.
I’m sure your balls are throbbing with jizz, so I won’t take up any more of your time.