Tube sites, tube sites, tube sites. They are few and far between these days. I’m just kidding. Tube sites are pouring out of your grandma’s anus as we speak. Every day hundreds are being added to the global roster. Perhaps even thousands. Gentlemen, we live in a sea of free porn. So if you’re depressed or frustrated with life right now, take a second to sit back and absorb how much porn is out there.
Men have lived shitty labor-filled lives for tens of thousands of years, from hunting antelope and living in caves to farming and living in villages. Eventually, we upgraded to specialized hard labor and manors. It wasn’t long until there were sailors and steel mill workers. Then came the advent of the production line. That’s when the mindless, robotic boredom reached new heights of depravity.
Do you realize that man had to deal with the trappings of this life that whole time with no decent porn? They were forced to have sex with their wives over and over; even after her pussy had been decimated from birthing fourteen children, you still had to keep dipping your dick in. It was the only way to let the demon out. But who wants to jerk off without porn? I mean, I will do it in emergencies, of course. Like, say, if I was stranded on the ocean in a life raft.
Now here you are in the modern age. Could you imagine suffering through your garbage office job with no porn to come home to? All-day, sitting behind a desk in a cubical surrounded by dozens of other fucks trapped just like you with a full set of balls and no naked bitches to stare at. I couldn’t even make it through a day.
Thank You, Porn Gods
Life is tough, but you have to find reasons to be grateful. Living in the age of porn is top on my list. These days there is so much of it around, I can be judgmental about it. So judgmental, in fact, my fucking job is to be critical. All porn sites are on trial, and I am the judge, jury, and executioner. And as you know, I don’t review sites I dislike. Instead, I execute through silence and apathy.
The tube site is the current climax of porn. (Pun intended) Tube sites are the Godfathers of porn, and we all visit them with extreme regularity. Not every site is worth your nut, though, and I would hate to see you waste time on subpar bullshit. You only live for so long, and you only get so many chances to cum in a lifetime. You should make each one count to the max.
A porn tube site only needs a few things to be good at what it does. Number one is content, of course. Despite how many tube sites there are, it’s pretty wild that they don’t all carry the same porn. It’s a tribute to the raw volume of porn being produced around the world every day. It’s truly spectacular. Our antelope hunting ancestors would never believe it.
Not only does the quality of porn count, but the quantity too. Men want to feel like they are drowning in pussy. Even I don’t start stroking my dick until I have at least eight tabs up, usually more like a dozen. Quantity helps make up for the fact that I’m not dipping my cock in some genuine pussy.
The second is a proper way to navigate the site, preferably multiple ways. A lot of these tube sites carry an incredible amount of content. If you host millions of videos, you need a way to find the ones they are looking for without having an aneurysm first. There are many ways to go about that, and the variation amongst websites is impressive.
Third, I won’t say you can’t have any pop-ups, but you have to limit their usage. These days there are far too many options without pop-ups to be fucking around with forty ads every time you touch the page scroller. People will be the fuck out before the thumbnails load. One or two, in the beginning, is fine, but then a site has to stick to banner ads if it wants to maintain any decent amount of viewership.
Fuqqt is an excellent example of a porn tube site that balances those things and more to create a fantastic porn site. That much is evident the moment you lay eyes on the main page of this website. The thumbnails are enormous—God, how I love me some big thumbnails. I want to see some accurate detail without wasting time opening shit up I might not end up liking.
The main menu options are Categories, Recommended, New, Live girls, and Fuck now. Simple and sweet. Both live girls and fuck now are links to other sites. To the left is a search bar. Unfortunately, there is no log-in function.
Below the menu is a massive hunk of content organized by category. Each category only gets one thumbnail, so you would think the eighty-four thumbs on the main page would cover all the available categories on Fuqqt, but you would be wrong. Very wrong. Under the hunk of content sits the full list in alphabetical order. There are over one hundred and twenty categories between A and B alone. These motherfuckers are not fucking around.
Whatever specific ass fetish you may suffer from, you will find it here. And I say that with assurance not just because of all the categories but because they currently host over thirteen million videos. To put that in perspective, after pornhub deleted all its unverified content, they were only left with just under three million videos.
There isn’t a bunch of bullshit filler either. As you roam about the place, you will see sexy bitches falling from the rafters. Whoever is in charge of collecting content for Fuqqt must never sleep. Every day they slave away uploading porn and chugging coffee mixed with Redbull. Priapism is the medical term for having a boner that won’t go away. The content collector at Fuqqt has had severe Priapism for the last three years. He tried everything from slamming it in a cupboard door and freezing it off with dry ice. Nothing works.
Here’s what really gets me. There are no ads, period. I’m not saying there are no pop-ups; I’m saying there are no ads of any type, anywhere. Holy fuck, you have to be kidding me. How is the content guy getting paid? Is he being rewarded in blood cells sent to his penis? Is the admin at Fuqqt men of the cloth whose only concern is ensuring gents everywhere get access to high-quality unlimited free porn? Can I donate to the cause? Would that donation be tax-deductible?
Fartoons
I want to take a peek at some of the content for you, but I don’t even know where to begin, so let’s try checking out some of the more strange categories on Fuqqt. Who doesn’t love fart slave porn? There’s nothing like a woman sitting on your face and ripping a loud, stinky fart. These motherfuckers are giving new meaning to brown-nosing. They have their olfactory organs so far up these bitches asses that they need a snorkel to get a breath of semi-fresh air.
Better check out what kind of hentai these guys are carrying. But I will tell you this; it isn’t for the faint of heart. These bitches are having all manner of terrible things done to them. For example, there are many cross section-type scenes where you can see the penis inside a bitch as if she were a translucent deep-sea creature. I didn’t know I wanted to see that, but apparently, I do.
Fuqqt is a masterful example of how a porn tube site should be constructed. It has nearly everything I want. The content is top-notch. These bitches are slutty and sexy, not to mention the excessive quantity of videos. If you watched ten porn videos a day, it would take you over three thousand six hundred and thirty years to get through it all. And that’s not including the inevitable additions that would be happening in the meantime. On the other hand, navigation is a breeze using one of the multiple categories. No matter what freaky ass shit you are into, you will find piles of it here.
As much as I love Fuqqt is could still use some adjustment. Adding a log-in function would be awesome. Given the amount of content, having access to a favorites and history folder would be convenient. For now, I have to write down the titles of my favorite videos in my sticky porn notebook. At this point, it burns to touch that thing. I have to wear gloves.
If your balls are swelling to the brim with sperm that needs to escape, Fuqqt will inspire their release with great force. So head over now and get tuned up.