You know how it is out in these streets. There is so much porn out there it can make your head spin. And if that wasn’t enough, new ones are being added every day. You could dedicate your entire life to seeing as much porn as you can, and you will barely crack the surface. Trust me. That’s precisely what I’m doing with my life. Sure, it’s definitely living the dream, but it sucks knowing I can never achieve my ultimate goal.
I sure as fuck can try, though, and I like to think I’m putting up considerable effort. In turn, I share that information with my fans because I know the struggle of finding good porn better than anyone. Of all the porn websites I’ve ever visited, only ten percent or so are worth the time. That leaves you with a lot of filtering work to do, but who wants to do work when they have balls full of cum. In those moments, you need instant gratification, not homework.
When Porn Goes Wrong
So much can go wrong with a porn website. I’m sure what pops into everyone’s heads first is ads. And yes, an onslaught of vicious popups can entirely ruin great porn sites with amazing content. Nothing is worse than hitting the play button over and over only to be cock blocked by a Chaturbate ad. Not only does it make me want to leave that site, but it also makes me want to burn down Chaturbate headquarters, and that’s a terrible urge. Chaturbate is the shit, but popups can make a man do crazy things.
Banner ads can be just as bad at times. I don’t mind them when they are just existing, but I have to go when they start flashing neon colors. Are they trying to give me a seizure while I have my cock in my hand? What if I rip that bitch clean off?! Trust me. I will spend the rest of my life hunting down the family of a man that would have me rip my cock off. I would leave him alive, so he is forced to live with his mistakes for the rest of his life.
Often smothering ads go hand in hand with viruses. Not only can a virus ruin your current masturbation session, but it can set you back for the next few days. You’ll be forced back into a middle ages world of DVDs and magazines. I don’t know about you, but I’m too desensitized for mags and DVDs. It won’t be the same unless I have a dozen TVs to play porn simultaneously.
Of course, I’m focusing on how a virus can fuck up your jerk game, but it can also lead to terrible real-life shit like getting your identity stolen. No one wants to wake up one morning to find their accounts drained and social media pages covered in dicks. If you have ever had to change all your important passwords, you know how much of a bitch it is. I would rather have to go a day without stroking my manhood. Okay, that’s a lie, but regardless that shit is still a nuisance.
There are a shit ton of copycat porn websites out on the digital landscape. In fact, if you can’t tell yet, I’m getting set to review a copycat ThePornDude website as we speak. It might sound strange that I would do that but trust me. I have my motives.
Copycat websites can be bitch not only to the original website designers but also to visitors. It can make it challenging to find a website with content you are not already familiar with. Many sites just rip content off Pornhub and call it a day. People like us explore porn beyond the big three because we need something new, not more of the same.
No matter where you live on planet Earth there is fantastic foreign porn that you are missing out on. These days Google chrome will gladly translate web pages for you. If you think looking up Asian or Latin porn on an English website is fun, wait until you visit an Asian or Latin website. It’s an entirely different experience. It’s like ordering Taco Bell compared to flying to Mexico and finding a taco stand. Taco Bell will still be good, but every time you eat it, you will think about that one time you went to an authentic Mexican taco stand.
Fuck comparing shitty sites with decent sites. What about paring the best sites from the good ones? Out of the ten percent of the decent sites out there, only five percent of those deserve to be called a top-notch porn palace. And the difference between just a decent site and a fantastic site is enormous.
Web design is often head over heels over the competition. Menus are efficient, aesthetics are engaging, navigation is intuitive, and ads are well balanced. Porn sites deserve to make their buck, but they can do that without turning the place into a shit show. It should go without saying that the content on a top-notch site is head over heels, the usual shit you might find on an okay website. We are talking about the most beautiful women in the world getting naked in front of a 4K camera and spreading their labia. Fuck yes. That’s the kind of content I crave.
Bring in the Experts
To find these kinds of God-tier websites, you need assistance. Assistance from people like me. And since I’ve started calculating the best porn sites, many people have stolen my research and attempted to make it their own. Not only do these websites steal my lists, but they also steal my look. God damn you lazy fucks. You can at least come up with a different way to list some shit. It can’t be that hard.
Of course, none of these copycats have the support of the massive PornDude network. I’m not the only motherfucker running this place. There is a whole team of people ensuring ThePornDude is the best porn review website on the internet.
With that said, let me introduce Bestxxxsites. I will give them one thing. I love the straightforward and easily searchable name. From there, though, they are a complete rip-off of yours truly. You will see it the moment you log on. They ripped our entire look and the way we organize our lists. The columns of websites are separated by genre and listed from best to less best. (All of my websites are the best. You know I only fuck with the best.)
The second sign that this is a copycat is that almost their whole list is nabbed from ThePornDude. Check it for yourself. Then check out what few websites I don’t mention, and you will find out why – they are fucking garbage. They’re websites I’ve visited and said fuck this too. I don’t review it if it’s not up to the ridged PornDude standard. I take providing you with great porn very seriously. I’m trying to do the Lord’s work over here, for Christ’s sake.
The third sign of their mediocrity is that they don’t even bother reviewing the sites. How fucking lazy. They knew that they could get away with robbing our lists, but if they stole my reviews, we would have a case against them. I bet they started to but realized writing fifteen hundred-word porn reviews is not as easy as it sounds. It requires passion and skill. Two things the admin at Bestxxxsites are doing their best to avoid.
That said, I have to say, I don’t hate the Bestxxxsites. How could I? It’s basically my retarded little brother. The PornDude is such a great website that even if you steal it and fuck it up, it still makes for a great place to find porn. Outside of the additions they made themselves, the lists are solid. It’s organized well, although it looks pretty dull. They traded our engaging graphics for a plain blue and dark gray background. If you ever need to find a new porn site and ThePornDude headquarters suffered a gas explosion, this can serve as a temporary replacement.
There are many changes I would make to the website, and you can visit ThePornDude to see all of them. I would add exciting graphics to draw the eyes as this drab gray makes me want to shoot myself. Creating their own porn list is an obvious change to make. So is not being some lazy shits and writing actual reviews.
It shouldn’t be the first place you go, but if I die in a tragic lube-related slip and fall, Bestxxxsites will be there for you until they can find a new me. In the meantime, though, this is some second-rate BS. Second-rate BS that’s still pretty awesome because they stole the shit from one of the best websites in the world.