Today I’m here to talk about another legend of porn. This bitch built an empire from the ground up. From humble beginnings, she made herself an icon of the industry. When people think about porn, hers is one of the faces that come to mind. Of course, I’m talking about none other than Joanna Angel.
The Making of a Legend
Joanna was born in 1980 in Brooklyn, New York. Her mother was Israeli, and her father was American. When Joanna was young, her parents moved away from Brooklyn to raise her in River Edge, New Jersey.
After graduating high school, she got a bachelor of arts degree in English literature with a minor in film studies. We now know which of those majors she got more use out of. I don’t think Joanna is writing the next great American novel.
To make ends meet while in college, she worked in the restaurant industry, which is only a few notches below being in porn. Many ladies got their start leaning over tables for tips.
Joanna found neither the food and beverage industry nor English particularly exciting. So instead, she became a model for the alternative softcore porn site Suicide Girls. She did very well modeling for them but felt she could do a similar thing, but better.
“When Angels Deserve to Die”
Joanna took the things she learned while working for Suicide Girls and applied them to the creation of her own site, Burning Angel. Burning Angel sought to be the hardcore alternative to Suicide Girls, and they pulled it off well.
Between the Suicide Girls and Burning Angels, a whole new subgenre of porn was born: alternative. It takes punk and goth aesthetics and applies them to porn. What could fucking go wrong? Punk bitches are sexy as hell, and they fuck like crazy people. I highly recommend them.
Not only did Burning Angel contain porn. It also had interviews and true stories about groupies having sex with band members. It completely embraced the alt-music culture and reflected it back out to the masses.
The porn on Burning Angel wasn’t just ordinary porn featuring bitches with tats and piercings. They often had horror and punk themes. For example, Joanna has starred in several zombie porn movies, including Re-Penetrator, Dong of the Dead, Evil Head, and The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody.
Joanna has also starred in plenty of content outside of Burning Angel. She has worked with VCA pictures, Bad Ass Models, and a host of other studios, producers, and managers. However, I think her best work is the shit she produces herself.
Joanna has been romantically attached to several big names in porn. She dated the well-known James Deen for six years, but apparently, the relationship was turbulent at best. She is currently married to many people’s favorite male porn star, Small Hands.
Joanna maintains an active Twitter page, which is the perfect way to keep up with everything she does. She currently has well over six hundred thousand followers.
Thirst Murderer in More Ways Than One
Along her header, she informs fans that she is a “professional lemon thief,” best-selling author, and a thirst murderer for Liquid Death. Joanna’s pinned tweet at the top of her page is a simple portrait with the caption, “Do I look like an angel to you.”
If you love Joanna, don’t miss out on her personal website MyJoanna.com. The page is free to new subscribers, so you have nothing to lose but your load.
Judging by Joanna’s general appearance, it’s not shocking that she’s a fan of Elvira. She has stolen much of her fashion sense from the goth model legend, including her giant tits. That’s the most crucial part.
Joanna Angel ends up at exciting parties and meets some interesting people. She recently retweeted a post from Trashy Lingerie announcing that only at a Trashy party do you see Paris Hilton, Karrueche, and Joanna Angel all in one day. I bet you fuckers would love an invite, wouldn’t you?
When you have giant fake tits like Joanna Angel, you must lotion them before bed to avoid stretch marks. Fortunately for us, she likes to take a video of the lotioning process.
Sexpo XXX
Joanna maintains a close relationship with her fanbase. One of the ways she does so is by doing meet and greets and porn expos. She will often put a camera behind her to capture any amusing moments and post supercuts.
When Joanna is at an expo, the line never ends. Everyone wants to meet her. As you watch people come up, you’ll notice every type of human being is represented. Even paralyzed dudes in wheelchairs came to get a hug.
If I were a female porn star, meeting fans would be the worst part of the job. I don’t want to meet you motherfuckers. I prefer we keep a screen between you and me, and I don’t even have tits. If I’m touching these undesirables, I would require a burly armed guard next to me.
Dick Shivers
Being as huge a star as she is, Joanna gets asked to do a lot of podcasts. She was recently a guest on the show Plug Talk Podcast and spoke on Hollywood not taking those in the porn industry seriously. My response question is, who cares? Who gives a shit if they do or not? Do you need fucking Steven Spielburg to say that director Dick Shivers did a great job casting for his smash film “Help Me! My Asshole is Bleeding!”?
She goes on to explain that Hollywood doesn’t consider porn experience acting experience. I’m sorry. I thought this bitch was in porn. Has she never actually watched a porn movie? The acting is fucking atrocious. Just because you can pack a couple of cocks into your pussy doesn’t make you the next Susan Sarandon. Hollywood and porn have little in common with each other.
Joanna doesn’t always post full nude gifs, but when she does, it’s fucking glorious. The most recent one features her in her bathroom surrounded by mirrors while she shows her body off for the camera. This bitch looks perfect.
Joanna asked a serious and important question about herself the other day. She posted two pictures, one of her back and one of her front, and asked which her fans liked more. That’s a tricky question if I’ve ever heard one.
On the front, you have her massive knockers. They are enhanced, perky, bulbous, and suckable. Along with tits, you get a good look and her beautiful face and perfect pussy.
However, from the back, you get to see her shapely ass. The way her thigh meat transitions into her ass meat is a sight. I almost slapped my computer in an attempt to give that big booty a spank.
A Round of Shots for the Bar
You’ll probably be happy to hear that Joanna is a squirter. And not any regular squirter. This bitch will dump buckets out of her pussy when she cums.
So many buckets, in fact, that she recently shot a film in which she squirts into shot glasses for her and her friends to enjoy. By the end, there were so many leftovers you could have poured a fucking pitcher.
While Joanna lives in LA, she does a lot of shooting in Vegas. She recently had a whirlwind seventeen-hour visit which she spent having anal sex on camera. There is something about Vegas that Gaping assholes love. Perhaps it’s the dry heat?
Being that she’s a porn star and her body is her money maker, Joanna stays in great shape. One of the ways she does that is through running. This past year she went all the way and ran the New York City Marathon.
I feel so made for her spinal cord. There isn’t a sports bra strong enough on planet earth to strap those puppies down enough to keep them from jumping about while she runs twenty-four miles.
Johanna must have made some NASCAR-like pit stops to change sports bras, dump some baby powder down her cleavage, pump a couple more CCs of silicone in her tits, and maybe take a sip of water.
When she was done with the race, her used sports bras got together and committed ritual group suicide because life wasn’t worth living anymore.
Joanna Angel’s face will be carved into the Mt. Rushmore of porn stars. Any porn bitch with a tat or piercing has Joanna to thank for their success. She is a visionary trailblazer whose focus is dick and pussy. She is the Lewis and Clark of punk porn.
After fifteen years or so, Joanna knows what the fuck she is doing. I wouldn’t make any suggestions on how to change her Twitter page. It’s clear the bitch isn’t struggling.
Joanna put a lot of work into those titties, so don’t let her down. Head over to her Twitter page and spill some cum for her.