Katrina Jade was born in Southern California on May 30th, 1991. Her cosmopolitan look stems from Dutch, German, Irish, Italian, Hawaiian, Native American, and Mexican roots. This bitch looks like a little bit of everybody.
She’s Every Woman
Throw on thinner eyes and a sprinkle of black or Indian skin tone, and you have what every human will look like in a couple of hundred years. Alright, they probably won’t all be as sexy. That is unless we take the genetic engineering route.
Jade kept pretty quiet about her life before entering the adult entertainment industry. The only thing I could scrape up is that she worked at Circuit City.
I’m not sure how that timing works out. I guess one of the reasons Circuit City folded is for breaking child labor laws. Jade was in the back warehouse repairing the textile mill and turning a cotton gin. It’s no wonder she decided to do porn.
After taking a time machine from early nineteenth-century industrialized London to the modern age, Jade got her start in porn at twenty-four. Her first scene was filmed with Kink, which was a sign of things to come. There is a reason she calls herself a fetish model.
Between 2013 and 2019, Jade dated and eventually married photographer and director Nigel Dictator. It’s assumed Nigel had a hand in inspiring Jade to try the industry. They divorced in 2019, I presume in no small part due to the thirteen-year age gap. You want to fuck bitches younger than you, not listen to them talk about Paw Patrol and Tik Tok.
Sorry, you missed out on crushing that pussy for the rest of your life, Nigel, but thank you for convincing Jade to get naked on camera. It has really worked out for all of us. Jade gets to make more money than she would have at the now-defunct Circuit City, and her fans get to stroke their cocks to her incredible body.
Since her debut Jade has worked with the best of the best, including Elegant Angel, Wicked Pictures, Twistys, Blacked, New Sensations, Sweetheart Video, Girlfriends Films, Devil’s Films, Hustler, Brazzers, Burning angel, Pure taboo, and Deeper.
In 2016 she received nominations from both XBIZ and Adult Video News for best new actress. Despite not getting the win the very next year, XBIZ awarded her with the female artist of the year. It sounds like they chose the wrong bitch in 2016.
Thus far, Jade has been featured in well over six hundred and ten movies, including hits like “Big Wet Interracial Tits,” “I Like Black Boys 13,” “Internal Damnation 11,” “Lex’s Breast Fest 5,” “Take the Condom Off,” and “Cheating with the Nanny.”
Giant Cunt or Mac and Cheese Superstar?
Let’s peek at what Jade gets up to on her Twitter page. She describes herself as an award-winning adult star. Jade is also anti-P.C. I can’t imagine too many porn stars are pro-P.C, but I’m sure they exist. She also loves Pitbulls and serpents—all good things.
She also calls herself a “creative intuit.” I’ve noticed that when people call themselves a “creative intuit” or something similarly woke and pretentious, they are neither creative nor intuitive. What they are is a giant cunt with a penchant for delusional narcissism.
However, I don’t plan on ever conversing with the bitch. I can fuck and jerk off to giant cunts all day. I don’t need my vaginas to be intelligent or pleasant to share a room with. Just ride my cock with skill and flare and try not to talk too much.
Jade joined Twitter in February of 2014. Since then, she has gathered over eight hundred thousand followers. Those are huge numbers for a porn star. Clearly, this bitch is doing something right.
Don’t forget to check out Jade’s All My Links account to have access to everywhere she releases content. This bitch works hard, so if you don’t want to miss anything, head over.
The tweet pinned to the top of Jade’s wall is a short video stating that this is her only Twitter account. Since Musk took over the platform, there has been much confusion about official accounts, so Jade didn’t want her fans to get confused.
Jade is no stranger to the kitchen, which helps to make up for her intuitive creativity. She likes to post pictures of her creations, such as the mac and cheese she made recently. I’m not going to lie to you guys. The mac looks fucking banging, and the cheesy crust is nice and crispy. I’d put my dick in that mac and suck it up like a straw, so I take back what I said about you being a giant cunt.
Going Buck Wild
As I’m sure you can imagine, Jade is a wild child. If the tats, piercings, and don’t-give-a-fuck demeanor doesn’t do it, her love for middle fingers should. She can give me the middle finger anytime she wants, pending Jade plans on following through with the promise.
Unfortunately, Jade recently had her heart broken. I guess she didn’t intuitively see that breakup coming. She’s a bit emo about it. I think once you graduate high school, you need to be done talking about the scars on your heart unless you’re in a My Chemical Romance tribute band. Trust me, Jade. Someone will lock that pussy down eventually. You’ll be alright.
“Finger Bang Bang You into my Life”
Jade recently brought up a good point that I don’t think I harp on enough, considering my readership. This is important shit. Jade retweeted a post that said, “Fingering is honestly such a beautiful thing. When a MF really know how to throw up the proper gang signs inna coochie… best feeling ever.”
Take those words to heart, gents. These words should echo in your head should you ever get the chance to have sex with a real-life female human being. Why? Because you’re going to bust a nut faster than you can pull your dick out of your pants. If you hope to develop repeat customers, you’ll need the Midas touch.
Teachers Aren’t What They Used to Be
Jade likes to keep up with current events. Not the boring, unimportant shit like the war in Ukraine or climate change politics. I’m talking about that eighth-grade teacher who filmed Only Fans content with her husband…. in the fucking classroom.
They were, of course, fired, but what were they thinking in the first place? Did they not think anyone in their town goes on Only Fans? There are motherfuckers on top of a mountain in Tibet jerking off on Only Fans, so, of course, your little retarded town in Arizona is full of masturbators. Our whole retarded little Earth is full of them.
Also, this teacher isn’t particularly attractive. She’s not ugly, but I wouldn’t ever pay to see her naked. If I was drunk and she was the only bitch within ubering distance, I’d hit it. Otherwise, that’s a big N-O.
Above all else, Jade is a businesswoman. When Weath Inc recently asked its followers what book has helped them grow the most as a person, Jade responded with “The Power of Now” by Elkhart Tole.”
I haven’t read it, but it sounds like some foo-foo self-help bull shit like “The Secret” or crystals. “If you just think it hard enough, you can manifest your desires.” Go fuck yourself. My readers would love some fucking pussy, and guess what? Pussy is all they fucking think about. Does it do them any good? No. Case closed.
The First Rule of Bad Parents Club is…
Oh no. Please tell me this bitch isn’t talking about her shitty childhood on her fucking porn Twitter account. We know! Porn stars don’t just fall from the fucking sky. They are crafted by trauma and/or growing up in Las Vegas.
Do you think I became the fucking Porn Dude via expert parenting? Fucking suck it up and put on your big boy pants… then take them back off and post a picture of your pussy. That’s what the people are looking for.
That being said, Jade, you did it. There is no better revenge than becoming a wealthy and successful porn star. Your parents can go fuck themselves. You do you, boo boo. *Sticky high-five*
Jade is sexy as fuck, if a little new-age and annoying. However, that doesn’t affect my ability to jerk off to her image for hours at a time. The ass and tits are well worth writing home about, and her face screams naughty. There is nothing this bitch wouldn’t do in bed.
My suggestion to Jade is to leave the emo shit on her private account and stick to her ass and tits for her professional page. My readers don’t need help crying while they masturbate. They can do that just fine on their own.
Jade is waiting for you to prematurely ejaculate before finger-blasting her on Twitter. Don’t leave her hanging.