Tits are fantastic in all of their forms. Big, medium, small. Perky, low, or hanging. Nipples of every color, shape, size, and length. If any ladies out there are sick enough to read my articles, know that no matter what your boobs look like, they’re fucking amazing. Tits are like pizza; you can only fuck it up so much. I’ll even titty fuck some old saggy granny breasts if she makes me dinner afterward.
Bigger is Better
That being said, massive volleyball-sized tits are fucking fantastic. When a colossal mega-rack dwarfs my head, I know I’ve found something special to be appreciated and savored like a fine cigar. Unreasonably large honkers reach deep into a man’s being and pleasure his loins as if a spirit had stowed away inside his scrotum. It’s a brain hack, a mental short circuit. No matter what we do to shake it off, huge tits demand our attention, even if it means sacrificing health and well-being.
So it’s no wonder how Lindi Nunziato became such a popular lady on Twitter. She’s managed to attract well over one and a half million followers. Those are astronomical numbers for a porn star. This bitches tits are bigger than your head and far more attractive than the face attached to your head. She barely looks human. She looks like an angelic sex doll crafted by the ghost of Hugh Hefner.
What is it about bulbous swollen mammary glands that drive a man wild? It’s genetics, of course. It’s all evolutionary. A fat rack indicates reproductive health. Big tits don’t help a bitch gather food or hunt game. In fact, they’re pretty detrimental to the cause. So if a bitch is carrying around two over-the-shoulder boulder holders, it’s evidence that she has the extra resources to support superfluous anatomy. It’s a classic tactic used throughout the animal kingdom by everything from deer to Hercules beetles.
Important Medical Research
Not every slut is born blessed with breasts that spill over her top. But worry not, fair lad, science has the answer. Men are simple creatures. We don’t care if you grew those honkers yourself or went to the mechanic to install a turbo. If you’re worried about having small tits, shove some filler in those babies and pop a nip between my lips.
If you think Lindi’s tits naturally got to where they are today, you’re even stupider than I thought you were. Nature has never crafted the type of tits this bitch is rocking. Only Man could find a way to improve God’s creation in such a fashion. Thank goodness Twitter is around so ladies can catalog their development on social media.
Sucky Sucky Five Dolla’
The first whores to play around with the idea of breast enhancement were Japanese hookers attempting to lure in American cock. These ladies took note of the American military’s love for huge boobs and began injecting industrial silicone right into the tissue—a risky endeavor to say the least.
But, It will be no surprise to you that it was a man who invented the modern breast implant. The honor of developing breast augmentation goes to Thomas Cronin and Frank Gerow. These motherfuckers were doing the definition of the Lord’s work. Can we get them a lifetime achievement award? Have the Adult Video News Awards ever given those two the flowers they deserve? Where would the adult entertainment industry be without Tom and Frank?
The lucky lady to receive those new tits was Texan Timmie Jean Lindsey. At twenty-nine, she was a divorced mother of six, a condition also known as dick repellant. Her boobs were hanging, her vagina in tatters, and her disposition unpleasant. It was either never taking a trip to pound town again or trying to fill in those danglers with experimental surgery. Plus, Doctors needed a bitch to practice on before getting to Lindi.
Fourteen years later, the Food and Drug administration legalized and regulated the use of boob implants. Fake tits were official, baby. However, the tech was still in its infancy, and many women complained about health issues associated with the surgery, including Ms. Timmie Jean Lindsey. For the next thirty or forty years, the safety of breast enhancements was a matter of hot debate.
Some countries even banned them for periods of time. Fortunately, for gents like us, the procedure was all but mastered over the next few decades. I don’t want to live on a planet where a gal can’t blow her breast size up to whatever she sees as best. I’m here to support a lady’s right to choose her booby volume with my life if I have to. Who gives a fuck about women’s suffrage. I’m more concerned about women’s cleavage. Picket lines? Sign me up. Violent riots? I’m there. Illegal voting practices? I just bought a new ink cartridge for my printer.
The Boobs of the Hips
But our passion for fatty lumps of squishy meat doesn’t stop at tits. If you’re like me, the one thing that beats breasts is booty. God damn, is a fat ass not the best thing on this little blue orb of ours? Of all its millions of creations, does booty not rank number one? It does. Smackable, spankable, twerkable, penetrable, and even edible to some. An elegant example of the universe’s majesty. The curvature of a perfect ass often follows the dimensions of the golden ratio, which is found throughout aspects of nature humans consider most beautiful.
When you see her hips and ass on Lindi’s Twitter account, you’ll have to close and rub your eyes before reopening them to check if what you saw the first time was real. Oh, it’s real, baby. Well, depending on how you define real, it’s real. I’ll put it like this. Those pictures aren’t photoshopped. She had a doctor do the photoshopping analog style in a surgical theater.
What draws men to the ass with such force and gusto? Science (and by science, I mean me) did its research and has come up with a few different theories. I save the most interesting one for last, but let’s start with something obvious. Culture and society have defined booty as something you’re not supposed to look at or touch. Humans, in general, want what they can’t have. If I approach a respectable-looking lady in public and attempt to place my face between the cheeks of her ass, she will more than likely be upset with me. I may even be arrested and labeled a sex offender.
Foot Theory
I’ll interject a personal theory here. I think that anatomical privacy is one of the reasons foot fetishes develop. Feet are generally hidden away under shoes and socks. So while the foot isn’t a “private part,” societal convention considers it somewhat intimate. And the fact of the matter is that men want to put any body part we aren’t supposed to see or touch in public in our mouths.
I want to put Lindi’s entire body in my mouth and suck her down like a Cherry popsicle on a hot summer’s day. I bet she tastes like peaches and cream.
Booty makes for an excellent handle for the pussy. Whether you’re trying to turn a hug into something more or already going balls deep down a bitches birth canal, you can use the booty handle to angle the pussy into the perfect position for your peen. By locking in a firm pinch from the under-cheek, you can even stop it from escaping and bring it back into range for further penetration.
Look at the picture pinned to the top of Lindi’s wall right now. Her hips are more than handles. They are industrial grip bars able to withstand pressures that would make most women crumble. Lindi is shaped like a coke bottle in a corset. She makes hourglasses feel fat and ugly.
With nearly two million followers, it’s not surprising she is a top content creator on Only Fans. She gets so much traffic Twitter admin must have a couple of servers dedicated to just her page so she doesn’t take down the whole grid.
Lindi’s wall is covered in pictures of her in lingerie, and as sexy as it is, it also makes me feel bad for the lingerie. I can hear the cries of their suffering as they struggle to keep Lindi’s body contained. They weren’t built to handle this kind of stress. Lindi should get her bras made from Kevlar.
Lindi has one of the most incredible bodies you’ll ever lay eyes on. She’s built like a Pixar mom. Even with modern surgery, I’m not sure how she does it, but thanks for your efforts, Lindi. You make a lot of men very happy.
While there are plenty of sexy pictures on Lindi’s Twitter page, there are few nudes. I understand she wants to encourage people to subscribe to her Only Fans, but give us a little taste.
All women will have evolved to look like Lindi in a few thousand years. Until that day arrives, we’ll have to settle for just the one.