I recently met a few young guys (18+) at a bar who didn’t understand having a milf fetish. The guys didn’t even know who I was. We just happened upon that topic as men are want to do. Obviously, I didn’t agree with them and felt compelled to guide them towards the milf light.
Why Milfs?
First off, I explained that all the young and dumb 18+ college bitches they’re fucking have no idea how to handle a dick. These dudes were only twenty-two, so they were happy to just have their dicks rubbed. It all feels the same to them. They have no idea what a skilled touch feels like.
Once you’ve had a talented cocksmith mount your member, your world changes. It puts every single sexual experience you’ve ever had into perspective. Suddenly Gina, with the big tits, doesn’t seem like the sex goddess you thought she was. Meanwhile, it turns out old Ethel was the pussy queen you had always hoped to find.
It comes down to experience. You can take classes and read about cock theory all you want, but until you get your hands dirty, you’re no master. Trust me, gents. You’ll forget all about how old a bitch is when that experienced mouth is sucking your cock like it contains the solution to world hunger.
Plus, let’s not forget that bitches don’t age like they used to. If you watch old shows, bitches looked decrepit by the age of thirty-five. These days fifty-five is the new thirty-five. Bitches can be both skilled and still look young and hot.
Milfs are also way better at post-sex aftercare. What does a college bitch do after you cum, talk your ear off about women’s rights? Fuck that. After you bust on a milf’s face, she gets up, makes dinner, feeds you, does the dishes, and then asks for more dick. It’s fucking perfect.
One of my favorite parts of milfs is that they don’t get pregnant nearly as easily. First off, they have fewer eggs in the clip. Some might even be done with their periods. That means you can sling ropes deep in their pussy’s without worry.
And if a bitch does still have eggs in the clip, you can trust she doesn’t fuck around with her birth control. It doesn’t get discussed much, but women don’t like condoms either. They want to feel your dick flesh against their bare vaginal walls as much as you want to feel their bare vaginal walls against your dick flesh.
That’s why older bitches always make sure their IUD is in place, or they’ve taken their pills. Milfs already have offspring and don’t want more. All they want is dick and cum.
Become Fat White Edris Elba
If any of my readers out there aren’t fans of milfs, they need to become fans. Milfs get so horny that they might even fuck you guys if the situation is right. Bare in mind that the situation needs to be very right.
Picture this. A bitch finds out she is dying of cancer and only has minutes to live. She hits the bar to suck some dick and make the most of her last moments on earth, only to discover that it’s burn victim day at her local dive. She attempts to find another bar but is reminded that it’s a holiday and only the dive is open.
She’s desperate for dick, so she wanders the sidewalks, but they are empty save for homeless people with communicable diseases. Finally, she yells out in frustration, “will someone without a skin graft or Teburculosis please come fuck the shit out of me.
That’s when you appear from behind a bush.
It sounds like a rare situation, but it’s those types of rare situations you need to keep an eye out for if you ever want to get laid. In the meantime, warm up to milfs by jerking off to them on Straight Aebn.
Straight Aebn is like the milf bible. Their selection of milf porn is unrivaled, well organized, and presented in HD. However, Straight Aebn works on a pay-by-the-minute model, so you’ll have to throw a few dollars down to get a peek at these cunts.
Head into the menu at the top of the screen and click “Add time” to increase the number of minutes you can watch. They offer several-minute packages so users can choose what fits their budget best.
Load Up to Get Your Load Out
For many of you, it won’t take many strokes before your sling rope into an old sock, so a simple fifteen or thirty-minute boost will do you just fine. That will only set you back $3.95 or $5.95, respectively. Of course, that’s nothing compared to the extreme pleasure of milf porn-induced orgasms.
If you cleared out your schedule and plan on having a long afternoon of “self-care,” you’ll need more than ten minutes. I doubt your definition of a long afternoon of masturbating is the same as mine, so you’ll probably only need a half hour to an hour. Half-hour and hour packages will cost you $8.95 or $11.95. That’s an incredible deal when you consider the large selection and excellent video quality on Straight Aebn.
If you’re like me and expect to be masturbating for days, months, and years to come, you need to buy minutes in bulk. I need my minutes delivered by the fucking pallet. Straight Aebn offers three hundred, five hundred, and even one thousand minute packages. That’s sixteen and a half hours of milf fucking, all for the low price of $84.95. If you work out the math on that, it breaks down to only eight cents a minute. I don’t know about you, but churning out buckets of cum is well worth eight cents.
However, things can still get even better. For extremely regular users that can’t seem to get enough, Straight Aebn offers the X-pass. The X-pass gives you access to tons of free content along with discounts on videos that still require purchase. You also get a bunch of free minutes every month, along with some other random bonuses. I’ve had the X-pass since it came out and never looked back.
Now that the financials have been detailed, it’s time to jump into some content, starting with “Coco Vandi in Private Vacation With My Busty StepMom,” starring Coco Vandi, Cory Chase, and Luke Longley.
You are excited to take your first trip to Las Vegas with your stepmom. Best of all, she informs you that your dad is paying for everything, so you two can go crazy as you like.
When you and your stepmom get to the hotel room, you discover that there is only one bed. It will be a little awkward sleeping in the same bed together, but that’s fine. You’ll be out and about most of the time anyway.
Before you can even finish your thought, you notice that your stepmom has stripped out of her clothes right in front of you. You figure she is just changing, but instead, she gets on her knees and pulls your cock out. Perhaps you will be spending a lot of time in the hotel room.
Now it’s the following morning, and you have a lot of pent-up energy from fucking your stepmom last night, so you decide to hit the gym. You’re almost there when you realize you forgot your phone in the room. By the time you return to retrieve it, your stepmom is wrist deep in her own pussy.
She turns to give you a better view of the action. Your cock grows stiff in your pants, so you jump on the bed and attack her vagina like it’s planning on fighting back.
Alarm Cock
That night you’re fast asleep when you awaken to find your stepmom on top of you, already sucking your cock. Once you’re hard as a rock, she stands up and slowly slips out her nightwear before getting on all fours and offering her pussy. Of course, you’re more than willing to oblige her request.
You can think of milfs as cock professors and you as their students. If you can’t fuck a milf, just watching one will make you better in bed. You’ll need all the skills you can muster in the off chance that pussy makes itself available to you unfuckable assholes.
Straight Aebn is on my short list of favorite sites, but it’s missing something important. No price point includes unlimited minutes. I’m the Porndude, for fucks sake. I can’t have limits on the amount of time I jerk off.
Alright, you sexless pussies. It’s time for you to drop this article and head over to Straight Aebn for training.